Discovering Truths Read online

  Discovering Truths

  B. Benfield

  Copyright © 2020 B. Benfield

  All Rights Reserved

  Cover: Vibrant Designs

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  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please don’t participate in, or encourage piracy of copyright materials. Purchase only authorized editions.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, or incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales, is entirely coincidental.

  Note: This book contains adult language and situations. It is intended only for mature readers.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Chapter One

  January 2017

  I sat down on the cold, black leather couch and crossed my legs. My purse was still hanging on my shoulder and I rolled my eyes as I slid it off and placed it beside me. Doctor James knew I dreaded these appointments, but she waited ever so patiently as I pulled myself together.

  “Anything new and exciting since our last visit?” she asked.

  “Nope,” I replied. Let’s just get it over with.

  “Listen, Abigail,” she started.

  “Please call me Abby.” I interrupted. I hated when people used my full name.

  “Sorry. Excuse me, Abby,” she said. “Per your primary care doctor’s orders, you’re stuck with me for another month. I know you don’t like these sessions, but don’t you think they’d be a little more bearable if we actually talked? It’d make the time go by faster, that’s for sure.”

  “I don’t feel like there’s much to talk about.” I snapped. “I’ve told you this.”

  She let out a long sigh before she responded. “There’s obviously something. You went to the doctor in hopes for some help with your depression. Why are you depressed? What triggers you?”

  I looked anywhere but the doctor’s eyes as I willed myself not to cry. I hated this. Why did I have to feel this way? Why couldn’t I just be normal?

  After a moment of silence, I replied, “I don’t know. I just feel so alone.”

  “You’re married, right?”

  “Yes, but Marcus is a lawyer. He works a lot. I don’t have a job…we have no kids…so I spend a lot of time alone, stuck…in my own head. I have a close friend, Melinda, but I don’t get to spend as much time with her since she recently got promoted at her job.”

  “Does Marcus know how you feel?”

  “I told him I was having some issues. He’s the one that suggested I go to the doctor.”

  “But does he know what kind of issues? Does he know about your feelings of loneliness? It sounds to me like you’re craving his presence.”

  “I don’t want to bother him. I know he’s really busy.”

  “Marriage is hard work. He may be busy, but sometimes you have to prioritize things in your life, especially those important to you.”

  “I know, but…I really don’t want to burden him with my issues. This is what people don’t understand. I feel like things with Marcus are complicated. I really just went to the doctor in hopes that she’d prescribe me something and it would help to lighten my mood. I didn’t expect the rest of this to come along with it.” By this I was referring to the two months of counseling the doctor ordered along with my antidepressant. I was required to see a freaking shrink.

  “Sometimes talk therapy is the only way to completely cure a problem in one’s mind. It’s not good to bottle up your feelings and emotions. Talking about your issues can help you to find a way to process and deal with them.”

  I stared at the doctor and let out a deep breath. This was my fourth visit and it was the most I’d opened up, but maybe she was right. Maybe talking to her would actually help. So far, I couldn’t tell a difference with the pills, but maybe they hadn’t had enough time in my system yet. I’d give this a chance, because well, I had to, but hopefully it would help. Hopefully I could make some sort of sense out of all this. It wasn’t feeling too promising.

  “Okay, Abby, we’ll stop here for now. You did really well. You tore down that first wall and let me in. I appreciate that. Hopefully the more we talk, the closer we can come to some sort of healing.”

  “Thank you, Doctor James,” I said, standing up quickly. I grabbed my purse and rushed out the door. Calm down there, Doc. You have no idea.

  Chapter Two

  July, 2017

  The Florida heat was intense. I pulled my long brown hair up into a ponytail as I walked down the street to the coffee shop. I don’t know why I even attempted to fix it and look cute. Sweat drenched my body the moment I stepped outside. I made my way into the crowded shop and noticed Melinda raising a smoothie in the air. She was at a small table with two chairs located right in the middle of the room. All the other tables and barstools were occupied. This was a popular spot, but our favorite.

  I pulled out the chair across from her and sat down as she slid my pineapple smoothie to me. She raised a mug to her lips and took a long sip.

  “Are you really drinking coffee when it’s 110 degrees outside?” I asked.

  “Girl, I need the caffeine,” she said. “Work has been intense.”

  “How is the new job going, Mrs. Manager?”

  “It’s going…well…for the most part. I’m not sure I was quite ready for all the responsibilities that come with being the manager of a large accounting firm, but I’m getting there.”

  “You’re brilliant. You’ll adjust in no time.”

  “What’s new with you?” she asked. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

  “Well, nothing really new besides the fact that Marcus is cheating on me.”

  “I’m sorry, what?” she exclaimed. The whole shop was now staring at us after her shriek.

  “Yep. Some girl at the office. She interned there and they hired her on full time.”

  “Okay, hold on, slow down. Ho
w do you know this and why are you acting so unfazed?”

  “I figured it out. It’s obvious. How he doesn’t know that I know, is beyond me. He must be really caught up.”

  “Hold on, I’m texting my assistant,” she said, pulling out her phone. “I need to hear all of this.”

  She typed out a message and shoved her phone back in her purse. She directed her eyes toward me and I took that as my cue to continue.

  “He’s been distant for a while. Like, at least a year, maybe longer. I started to catch on to things…even did a little P.I. work.”

  “Explain.” She demanded.

  “He says he’s working late. Okay, I get it every now and then, but it’s a constant with him, so one night I drove by the office…and no one was even there.”

  “Oh,” she said quietly.

  “So, the next time he texted and said he would be late again, I went straight to the office and I parked on the corner where I couldn’t be seen. I watched him and the girl, I think her name is Katie, walk out to their cars, and I followed them downtown to a restaurant where they walked in holding hands, laughing, and kissing.”

  “Are you serious?” Melinda asked, disbelief evident in her tone.

  “I’m absolutely serious, Mel, but it gets better.”

  “Oh, gosh…”

  “One Saturday he said he was going golfing with the guys, some of his friends from college. Well, at this point, I had already seen enough, and I’m not stupid. I mean, I don’t even know how I never got caught doing any of this, because we all know how bright I am sometimes, but I guess he has her on the brain and is clueless to the world around him. Anyway, I followed him, and it wasn’t to a golf course, shocker. It was to a house...her house, and she answered the door in black and red lingerie.”

  “No!” Melinda gasped.

  “Yes. So obviously, we know what happened then, and I’m sure that wasn’t the first time. I mean, really, who knows how long this has been going on. I have pictures. I told you, I went crazy P.I.” I pulled out my phone and slid it across to her. I watched as Melinda scrolled through the evidence, her eyes wide.

  She sat the phone down and was silent for a moment before she finally spoke. “Have you confronted him?”

  “No. I haven’t. I’ve been processing it all, trying to figure out how to handle this. You know, maybe it was me going to the doctor and getting on that pill. Maybe he thinks I’m crazy and have too many issues. Maybe that’s what turned him to her.”

  “Don’t. Don’t blame this on yourself. This is all on him. I’m convinced he’s part of the reason you slumped into a feeling of depression.”

  My friend was right. I was thirty years old, and Marcus was thirty-two. We’d been together since high school. He’d been in college for two years when I turned eighteen and graduated high school. We got married immediately. He was in law school and I pursued a degree in business. He landed a job with one of the largest law firms in the area, and he insisted that I stay home, so I did. I play the role of the perfect suburban housewife. I go to Yoga in the mornings, I run all the errands, the house stays spotless, and I cook dinner every night. Marcus doesn’t want children, which I’ve known from the beginning, but honestly, I always hoped I could change his mind. I often ask myself, what is my purpose in this life? Surely it isn’t to run around like someone’s personal assistant, picking up dry cleaning and cooking three-course meals. Without a career, or a child, I feel lost. I didn’t stick around long enough to talk to Doctor James. I completed my required two months and didn’t book another appointment.

  “It’s hard not to put some of the blame on myself. We’ve been married for twelve years. Where did things go wrong?”

  “I’m so sorry, Abby. I would have never imagined any of this.”

  I continued with my rant. “We haven’t had sex in months…I can’t tell you the last time he told me he loved me…”

  Melinda sighed and reached across the table, taking my hand in with hers. “I’m here, Abby. I’m here for whatever you need. But what are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to find a boyfriend.”

  “Um. What?”

  “If he can have a girl on the side, all while coming home and pretending everything’s okay and acting like he isn’t living a totally double life, then why can’t I?” I know it sounded crazy, but he’d already broken our vows. Why should I suffer while he had the time of his life? Karma sucks.

  “Abby, that’s not a good idea.”

  “Says who?”

  “Says any logical person. You can’t be serious.”

  “I am dead serious.”

  “Two wrongs don’t make a right. Nothing good will come of this, I’m telling you that right now. What are you going to do, live with each other and have an open marriage that neither of you is aware of nor agreed to for the rest of your life?”

  “I don’t know what will happen in the future, Mel, but I know what’s happening now.”

  Melinda looked defeated. “I don’t know what else to say. You’re a grown woman and I obviously can’t stop you from doing whatever you want to do, but just know, if you really go through with this, I do not support it. We’ve been friends forever and I’m not going to throw that away, but I don’t agree with your plan. I just wish you’d leave him like any other normal human being would do in this situation.”

  “Thank you for not disowning me. Besides my family, you’re all I have, and the only person who knows about this thing with Marcus.”

  “I’ve got to get back to work,” Melinda said, standing. She pulled me in for a hug. It felt sympathetic, and I could see the disappointment in her eyes.

  “Please think about this before you do it,” she whispered. “Please realize the severity of the situation, and just leave.” What she didn’t realize was that I’d been thinking about this for a while. The more he lied, the harder I thought. I was done thinking.

  “Love you, Mel.” I replied.

  I threw away the rest of my smoothie and walked back out to my car. I started the ignition and blasted the air while I sat there for a moment in silence. Of course everything Melinda said made perfectly good sense, but my mind was made up. I was doing this. I’d never been with anyone other than Marcus. It would be new and exciting, maybe like a rush of adrenaline that’d pull me in and I’d be hooked. Marcus experienced that, and if he could, why couldn’t I?

  On the drive home, I received a text from Marcus. He said he was helping someone with a case and would be home late. I replied with an ‘okay’ and told him his dinner would be in the microwave.

  The text from him brought my idea into focus and got me really thinking about our relationship. Was there still a connection between us? Should I take Melinda’s advice and confront him, or should I go through with my crazy plan?

  After spending time thinking, I concluded that the connection between Marcus and I had vanished. We were simply going through the motions. I felt dead inside at the thought.

  Chapter Three

  Dinner was made, I’d soaked in a long bath, and Marcus still wasn’t home. I crawled into bed with my laptop and browsed around aimlessly. As I scrolled through random sites, an idea struck. I pulled up Google and my fingers hovered over the keyboard for a brief moment before I typed chat rooms into the search bar. I didn’t even know if chat rooms still existed, but it was worth a shot. How else was I supposed to meet people? I definitely wasn’t going onto some site and making a profile…that was too risky. I clicked on the first link that popped up. It reminded me of AOL back in the day with a list of categories. I scrolled through the list until I came across Married Chat.

  Oh my gosh. This was really a thing? I created a username, entered my location, and signed in. Nobody was really talking. I was sure people were just creeping around, waiting for someone to private message. An uneasy feeling hit the pit of my stomach. Hey Gorgeous. Trade pics? Want to meet up? Looking for a Sugar Daddy?

  Delete, delete, delete. This was too much, and that w
as just the beginning. Messages continued to pour into my inbox and I was just about ready to give up and exit the chat when a message caught my eye.

  Gage85: Good evening. Care to chat?

  It was the only normal note I’d received thus far.

  Me: Sure. Good evening.

  Gage85: How are you?

  Me: Well, I’m okay. To be honest, a little overwhelmed.

  Gage85: Overwhelmed?

  Me: That chat…it was intense. I felt like a piece of meat that vultures were attacking.

  Gage85: I can only imagine. I’m sure the guys in here are pretty thirsty.

  Me: I guess.

  Gage85: Well, I consider myself to be normal. Definitely not a creeper. If you couldn’t tell from the username, my name’s Gage. And you are?

  Me: I’m Abby. Nice to meet you. And were you born in 1985? LOL

  Gage85: I actually was, yes, so I’m 32. And I’d never do such a thing as asking a woman her age.

  Me: 1987. I’m 30. Finally hit the freaking 30. Ugh.

  Gage85: Ah, 30 isn’t so bad.

  Me: I suppose. So, you really live in Florida?

  Gage85: I do, and actually close to you. You’re in Melbourne?

  Me: Yeah. You?

  Gage85: Cocoa Beach. So close!

  Me: Wow. That’s pretty cool. Small world…

  Gage85: So, what brings you here?

  Me: Honestly, I’m not sure…you?

  Gage85: Same. Looking for something, I’m just not sure what exactly.

  Me: Same boat. You’re married?

  Gage85: Yeah. Ten years. You?

  Me: Yes. Twelve. Any kids?

  Gage85: One son. He’s five, and he’s pretty freaking awesome…the only thing that keeps me hanging on. How about you? Kids?

  Me: None. He never wanted any, and I knew that, just hoped he’d change his mind.

  Gage85: I’m sorry. Is that the only problem?